Site Navigation

Empty Nesters- What’s Your Love Language?

How do you communicate best?

The kids are gone.  It’s just the two of you.  You’ve may have lost who you are but you sure know what makes you tick still.  The 5 Love languages helps a couple to clarify and understand the different ways that we communicate with our spouse or partner.  They help take out the mystery of how we want to be treated and what’s excepted of each other.

  1.  Words of Affirmation is one of my favorite for sure.  This is where hearing “I love you” or special compliments are really important.  Words that build you up and make you feel important and appreciated are very powerful to hear.  “The Tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21)  And on the flip side of that negative, insulting, belittling comments cut to the core and are not easily forgotten or forgiven. 
  2. Quality Time doesn’t mean being in the same room with your partner but actually giving them your undivided attention.  Turning off the TV and phones and actually spending time with them and talking and looking at each other.  When was the last time you stared into each others eyes?  We spend so much time with all the demands on our schedule that we need to commit some of that time to our spouse.
  3. Receiving Gifts makes some people feel the most loved.  Not that you are a materialistic person but that a gift that is meaningful or thoughtful makes them feel really important. When you receive a gift you know that the giver was thinking of you.
  4. Acts of service is my love language for sure.  Actions speak louder than words.  People who speak this language want their spouse to know that their life is busy, hectic or rough and love the help any way they can get it.  Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do or that you have promised to do show you really care.  Broken promises or the lack of doing you a favor shows that you don’t value them and isn’t tolerated well by this person. And don’t just do it with an angry attitude but do it as an expression of love.  
  5. Physical touch speaks deeply to this this person.  Not only in the bedroom but in your everyday life.  A gentle tap on the butt, hand holding, kissing or any type of physical contact is what turns this person on.  We know how important it is for babies to be touched and help, this person thrives on physical touch.  You don’t have to be over the top with your touch, just gentle expressions make this person feel safe and loved.  If you haven’t been brought up in an affectionate family this one might be tough for you.  But just sitting close to them or touching them as you walk by means so much.  Physical abuse of course is a deal breaker with this person. 

Do a little self test

You may have a primary and secondary love language and that’s great.  But don’t give up on the others.  There might be little parts of those others that you enjoy too.  Here the link to Dr. Chapman’s book on  And if you want to take your own simple test with your spouse, check this out.