Site Navigation

Empty Nesters- Get that Sexy Back

It happens to the best of us. In the beginning, the two of you can’t keep your hands off each other. He brought you flowers and left you love notes.  Sex was on fire!  But over time, especially when life is crazy with kids, that sexy spark can fizzle.

Like any other aspect of a healthy relationship, good sex takes time and energy. You have to make an effort. There are a lot of things that come into play to get that spark back.  This might get a little hot and steamy so get ready.

  1. Start by focusing on your connection with each other.  Being able to communicate is so important in and outside of the bedroom. Talk to your guy or girl like you would talk to your best friend.  Don’t just talk about your day at work but talk about your intimate needs and desires.
  2. Do something exciting together.  Remember that first date and how nervous and excited you were at the same time.  Get that feeling again by doing something that you’ve always wanted to to together.  A couples massage can be very hot and steamy !!
  3. Kiss and cuddle again.  You may have put that on the back burner because the kids were around.  But remember what that might lead to so be prepared for some hot foreplay.
  4. Remember what sex was like back before kids.  Was there something that you tried or experimented with?  Try something new.  Or a new toy in the bedroom. Read a romance novel before bed.  Watch a romantic movie together.  All these things may just bring a little heat back to the bedroom.
  5. No matter how long you’ve been together, make an effort to be seductive and keep your sexual connection fresh. Put some surprise into the relationship. Break the predictable pattern every so often. Go shopping for a sexy nightie, come out of the shower with just the towel on and see where that leads.
  6. Clean up.  What I mean is take a shower before bed.  Shave your legs. Get a pedicure.  Get your hair done.  Buy yourself that body lotion or perfume that you know he likes and use it at night or when you go on a date.  Just because your life has become routine, taking time to make yourself look good will show your spouse that you care about how you look and feel. I love it when I get that hug and kiss in the morning and I smell his cologne all day.
  7. To explore new territory, write down your fantasies and put them in a “fantasy jar.” Then take turns picking out of the jar and act out the fantasies. This can build romance, intimacy, trust and great sex.
  8. How cool is it to get that text or email message with a little bit of a racy tone to them.  This might be just the spark that’s needed to have you both ready when you get home.
  9. Reverse your roles in the bedroom or even outside the bedroom.  Guys, cook a meal or do household chores.  Ladies, you be the aggressor.
  10. Get rid of the granny panties and go buy yourself some nice underwear.  They don’t have to be a thong or something you are uncomfortable in, just something new and fresh.
  11. Get your endorphin’s flowing and exercise together.  Now is the time to really take care of yourself and you have the time.  Sweat can be sexy!!
  12. If you are on a tight budget, stay home, put some nice music on, light some candles and open a bottle of wine and just talk.  No TV, Phones, just each other.
  13. On the weekend, sleep in and just cuddle and share your thoughts without disruption.


You might think that it’s too late to get that spark back but now is the best time.  It’s just the two of you so experiment, explore and get your sexy back!!!