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Empty Nesters…..How do you get that Spark back?

Getting back to life before kids.

So, It’s been 18-20 years since you haven’t had a kid in the house taking up your time and energy.  You look at your spouse and ask, “Who are you? Where have you been the past 18 years?” This may seem like an odd thing happen but it’s so true.  You may think do we still have things to talk about? Do we have enough in common? Will we get sick of each other’s company? Do I even still like him/her?

It might take a little work to renew that marital bliss and excitement you felt early in your marriage. But this newness of being alone might also spark some new interest and excitement that your marriage needs.  But by making a few positive changes in your behaviors and habits, you may just have the best days of your marriage that you have ever had.  And this will only get better as you approach 30 or more years.

Start chatting daily—for 10 minutes.
When was the last time you guys talked about something other than the kids, the house, money or your work? Practice talking to your spouse for 10 minutes a day, every day, about anything other than those four topics. Dinner or breakfast on the weekends are good time to try this.  Sometimes before bedtime is good too but be sure not to bring up some deep subject that might require a long discussion.

Get excited about this new life. 
Have a positive attitude and some good goals that you want to talk about. What does it feel like to have the house all to yourself?  More free time? Freedom to travel? Eating out more? Eating differently? Less mess? Talking about these things will get you excited for the futureand your new life.

Share a new activity.
Remember that first date where you went to a new restaurant or did an activity together. Everything that you did was a new experience.  Bring back that feeling by trying something new together. Or have your spouse teach you something that they know.  I have always wanted to go fly fishing so that is something that we are finally going to get to share together.

Do something out of the norm for your spouse. 
Offer to go shopping with them if you don’t normally go.  Help with the laundry or dishes or even cook a meal.  Instead of falling asleep in your chair on a Friday night, get out a board game and have a little fun.

Talk about sex.
This might be an awkward discussion but go back to those early days when you first had sex and what made it exciting or fun. Try something new.  Now that the house is empty you don’t have to worry about someone walking in on you so try it somewhere different than the bedroom.  Go get something sexy to wear and surprise your spouse.

These things aren’t expensive, difficult, or take much thought. But each one of the  ideas touches on a different part of your marriage in a different way.  Bringing these new ideas to your marriage and the empty nest years might just make you have the best and most connected marriage that you’ve had for years.